i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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