Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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