do herpes really smell.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
