Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
