I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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