one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just want to make out with him forever
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
