I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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