Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
