Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
