I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just had sex bonerless
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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