I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
