You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
