The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
