Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize