She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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