I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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