Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
