so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
