Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
