and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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