Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My vagina is very pro this idea
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
