dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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