There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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