Porn is love you can see.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
