i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
