His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
