I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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