You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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