This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
