this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize