Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
