i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
