I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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