Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize