Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
