hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
