how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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