using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
