Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
