What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
