I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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