he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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