He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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