Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
