This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
