Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
