THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
