I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
