"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
