I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
