are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
