haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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