Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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