just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
