Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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