You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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