Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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