He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
