i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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