Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
