good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
